11-Uncle Doyt

Do you have an interesting family? Some of us do and some of us don't. They say you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. They also say you can pick your nose. But I wasn't going to go there, but I would venture to say that I have someone in my family that you don't have in yours. And Uncle Dot, I'm Jim Poling, and this is my view from the middle. My dad's side of the family consisted of four boys and a girl, Don, Dean, Doyt, Dale, and Mildred. I don't know what happened with my grandmother when Mildred came along. I think she said, that's it. I'm done with the d's, I'm going right for the m's. And my aunt Mildred came into existence. I'll tell you about her in a moment. By the way, my father was Dean in that scenario. I'm guessing that one of the reasons the d names dried up is because my grandmother appeared to be struggling to come up with them. As evidence of this is my own Dout d o Yt. Have you ever heard of that name Dout? I don't know. I googled it and it turns out there's a football stadium in the campus of Bowling Green University in Bowling Green, Ohio named for a deut Perry, But that's the only evidence I found of anyone with that name. Deuyt Perry apparently was a successful coach and athletic director at the school, and no, I doubt my grandmother knew anything about Deuyt Perry, and the stadium wasn't named until nineteen sixty six. But my uncle Dout looked like an uncle Doyt. You know how some people just look like their names. Well that was the case with Uncle Douyt. Somehow I just can't seem to picture him as a tiny baby. Oh here he is, isn't he cute? Our little Dout Nah, I just didn't work. But Uncle Dout was my favorite uncle, mainly because he was a little odd and quirky. Little kids like odd and quirky. And if you look up odd and quirky in the dictionary, you'll probably find a picture of my uncle Dout. I remember him as a short, stocky man, mostly bald, with three hairs that combed over the top of his head. He always wore a knee length raincoat which was wrinkled because when he took it off, he rolled it up and stuffed it in the shopping bag he used his luggage. If Uncle Dyt wandered around a public park these days with that raincoat on, he'd probably get the cops called on him, thinking he was some sort of a flasher or something. Uncle Douyt didn't drive. I don't think he knew how, at least I never saw him drive. He lived in Cleveland, Ohio, but he traveled all over the place on the Greyhound bus. I don't think I ever remember him taking an airplane or a train or anything, unless he did so while he was in the service. I think my uncle Douyt could have made a killing doing commercials and testimonials for Greyhound. He had what they called an amere pass. It apparently allowed you to travel anywhere Greyhound went. Uncle Doyt didn't bother with hotel rooms either. If he wasn't staying with friends or family, he was sleeping on the bus. I remember one time he told us he was in New Orleans, probably for Mardi Gras, but he didn't have a place to stay, so he studied the bus schedule and figured out that if he rode the bus to Jacksonville and back. That would give him a good night's sleep. So that's what he did, a round trip sleepover bus ride from New Orleans to Jacksonville and back Tadah free lodging. Now, say what you will about my uncle dot and I think the other family members did that a lot. But he had a smile and laughed that would light up the room. And he was one of these guys that when he laughed, he put his entire body into it. Ever see these guys, His shoulders would jump up and down. His whole face was consumed by a huge grin. How can you not love a guy like that? I remember, as a little kid my uncle by picking me up, bouncing me on his knee, and rubbing noses with me. I don't know why he did it, but he would laugh and laugh and laugh as he did it, mainly because he had a big nose, and I think he enjoyed irritating the crap out of me. But it quite frankly scared the hell out of me. All I remember is that huge schnaze coming at me, and my uncle grinning and laughing like a hyena as he would slide me from side to side. After a while. I started running away from him when he started after me, because I could see it in his eyes that I was about to be schnozzed. Of course, all that meant is he would shake me around the house, laughing his head off until he caught me, and up I go and get battered by the big honker again. My uncle Doyt had a heart the size of the greyhound buses he would ride. You know how when you graduate from high school, how you send invitations to everyone on the planet, you know, not really expecting anyone to show up. It was just a courtesy, and if someone decided to send you a graduation gift, well, so much the better. Well, my parents sent out the announcements for my high school graduation. Next thing we knew, there was a knock at the door, and there stood my uncle dot wrinkled raincoat, Woolworth's shopping bag, and all fresh off the greyhound bus from Cleveland. Big old Douyt grin on his face, the three hairs in his head all must because he had obviously slept on the bus, and he says, well, I got this invitation, so I thought i'd better show up. Show up he did. I missed my uncle dot He didn't try to rub noses with me that day. That would have been weird since I was seventeen years old. Well, then there was my Aunt Mildred, the only non d name, and the Don Dean Doyt Dale and Mildred grew siblings. Now, if you want to extend the family out, my brother's name is David, another d name, and then there's me James. So Mildred and I are the standouts. That probably explains a lot. Aunt Mildred was the polar opposite of Uncle Dout. Mildred lived in the town of Lima, Ohio. I don't remember my Aunt Mildred laughing about anything. Ever, there was no detectable sense of humor anywhere that I could see. I think she smiled once, but that might have been just indigestion. But in her defense, when you're a Mildred in the middle of Don Dean Doyton Dale, maybe there wasn't a whole lot of things to laugh about. She seemed to be the mature one, maybe too much so that cut the boys in line. I remember her fussing at Doyt and the other guys for one thing or another. When I was about eight years old. My parents had just moved us from the city of Detroit proper to a suburb called Garden City. The phone rings one day and I answer it. It was my Aunt Mildred on the phone, calling from Lima. She says, is this David in Detroit? And I said, no, this is James and Gardens and she hung up. No wrong number. No was sorry for the call, No go jump in the lake or anything, Just click, bang gone. I was standing there staring at the phone, wondering what just happened. Then it rang again and it was Aunt Mildred, completely torked off about the whole exchange. But I wasn't David and I wasn't in Detroit. She did not see the humor in the situation. So I put my dad on the phone, who was trying to compose himself after laughing his head off about the whole thing. So there I was in the middle of the characters that made up my family, don Dean, Doyt, Dale, and Mildred. Now, don't get me wrong, we all loved Aunt Mildred. She just took a little adjusting to be around. Meanwhile, my uncle Doyt is probably listening to this podcast episode in his greyhound bus seat in Heaven, bright grin on his face and shoulders, jumping up and down with laughter. Mildred there fussing at him, dout, just waiting to greet me at the Pearly gate someday where he'll pick me up, bounce me on his knee, and then with gleeful laughter, stick that big schnaz in my face and rub No, was this with me once again? I'm Jim pulling and that's my view from the middle. In the next episode, they thought it was an omen that would launch a budding music career. Suckers and balloons next on my view from the Middle,